I can’t be the only one that feels lost in this life. Not in the sense that I don’t know where I’m going when I die; I know I’m saved by the grace of God and whole-heartedly believe that He died to save me from my sins. What I mean is that I don’t know WTF I’m doing. These last few week, months actually, I’ve been thinking about what I’m really doing with my life. I feel like time is going by so quickly and I’m just here casually wasting time. I feel there’s something more I should be doing. I know God has a calling for each and every one of our lives. I have no doubt about this, so what am I meant to do? Why do I feel so lost?
Ironically, today I read a Facebook post written by my favorite YouTube Beauty Influencer, Nur. She wrote about how no one has any answers about life and that no one has it all figured out. She eloquently shared several points that I knew to be true but hadn’t, at least not recently, quite put into perspective. The point that resonated the most with me was when I read, “There are more answers in action than in thought.”
I know this. I’ve read my fair share of self-help books to have heard this several times before. I don’t know why what she said resonated so profoundly. She wrote about just going for it (whatever that ‘it’ may be to you) and not being afraid to fail while forgiving yourself in the process. She expressed how you’d be closer to answers by taking action and finding out for yourself whether or not whatever you choose to do is for you. By taking action you wouldn’t still just be thinking about it. Her post was a just a tad bit more well-written than my summary, but I hope that makes sense.
As I read this, I thought to myself; I’m not afraid of failure. Of course, I don’t want to fail and I’d be lying if I said I’ve always felt this way, but at this point in my life I welcome and look forward to failure simply because I know it will get me closer to where I desire to be. I’m tired of wondering and planning and thinking. I want to just do something, anything. This reminds me of my son. He’ll often say, “I want to watch something, Mom,” when I ask him what he wants to watch he simply responds, “Something.” It’s pretty amusing (and sometimes annoying) to watch a three-year old try to decide what he wants to watch but I can only imagine that’s what I sound like when I ask what I should be doing. Something, I want to do something. I have this deep longing to do something great. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever felt the same way? Desiring and knowing with every ounce of your being that you were destined to do SOMETHING. As stupid as it sounds, I feel it. I’m overwhelmed with frustration at times because I don’t know what that something is for me. I’ve talked to God several times pleading to Him to tell me or show me somehow what it is that He’s called me to do while I’m on this Earth. Although Nur’s post was nothing close to being religious, this is what she was conveying; stop asking (thinking) and just go, do, take action.
I’d like to discuss the things (excuses) that have kept me from doing anything. This weekend I read, listened to actually (Audible.com is godsend), a book by Pastor Steven Furdick, Crash the Chatterbox. I came across this book because of another YouTube Beauty Influence that I follow. She mentioned this book in one of her videos and the title caught my attention. I’d never heard of the author and didnt know what the book was about. By the title I assumed it would be about keeping your mouth shut and listening more. It’s maybe because this is one of my issues; yes, I’m aware of it. I’m working on it though. Anyway, I’ve been subscribed to Audible.com for a little over six months; mainly because I haven’t figured out how to cancel my subscription. It helps me “read” books on the go and my library is growing fairly quickly. If I really enjoy the book, I buy the physical copy. In this case, I may just purchase the kindle version, too. Yes, I enjoyed the book that much. This book was not at all what I was expecting. It was exactly what I needed to hear, however. Let me just get to the point. Pastor Furdick expresses different things about the ‘chatterbox’ in your head. I already knew most of what he wrote about (because I think I know everything). Do you ever get that way? Like you already know something but someone articulates it in a way that puts things into perspective? This is what happened to me after reading Nur’s post and Pastor Furdick’s book and I couldnt be more thankful for it.
In his book he expresses how the chatterbox, the enemy, satan, the devil, the serpent, Lucifer (seriously? auto-correct capitalized that name) whatever you want to call him manipulates your thoughts and God’s word to try to prevent God’s purpose for your life. He also teaches the reader how to listen to God’s voice above any other voice. Hence, Crash the Chatterbox: Hearing God’s Voice Above All Others.
I enjoyed listening to him read passages from the Bible (he narrates the audio version). My favorite part of the book is when he reads 2 Corinthians 10: 5, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Read it again if you have to. I looked it up after listening to it; I had to see it in writing to fully grasp what it was saying and this is amazing! I already know we have the ability to change our thoughts (thank you, self-help books) but this, this gives us power! We literally have the ability to demolish arguments in our head. We have the authority to destroy thoughts that don’t serve us any purpose. “I’m too old to do that.” “I’m not qualified for that.” “What if I look stupid?” “What’s the point? Someone has already done it better than I ever could.” Who told you that!? Not God. Who told you that you’re a bad mother because you raise your voice at your kids? Who told you that you’re too old to go back to school? Who told you that you’ll always be alone? Who told you that!? Not God.
Pastor Furdick goes into how subtle and devious the chatterbox is and how its goal is to create doubt. He expresses the importance of knowing who you are in Christ and tells about the confusion the enemy wants to cause you. If you know who you are, what God did for you, and what God said to be true about you, you will be able to negate, reject, and rebuke any and every thought the chatterbox attempts to use against you.
Doubting myself to do or start anything is the same thing (or worse) as being afraid to fail. I’ve learned that fighting the chatterbox is a constant battle and that I must arm myself with the knowledge of who I am in Christ. God said He did not give me the spirit of fear but of power, love, and self-control. God said I am the light of the world. God said I am wonderfully and fearfully made. God said I am a conqueror and I do not have to be afraid. The best thing about this is that He said this about you, too.
I trust that God will lead me and take care of me as I take a chance at something, anything. Even if I fail, I know who I am and for that, I am eternally grateful.